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| In Japan when a teapot is broken, they fix the crack with gold. |
"I'm hanging on by a thread
And all I'm clinging to is prayers
And every breath is like a battle
I feel like I ain't come prepared"
And all I'm clinging to is prayers
And every breath is like a battle
I feel like I ain't come prepared"
- I'll find you by Lecrae (It's his new song and it is fantastic. Go listen to it even if christian rap isn't your style :P)
The past months have been some of the hardest in my young life. This trial with depression & anxiety has had me at an extremely low point, it's shown me plenty of things about myself that I didn't like, and would've preferred to ignore or not know about. Pride had me thinking I was a pretty smart christian doing many things right, when I was actually doing many things wrong, but God has used this to show me where I tend to stumble. Things I wouldn't have ever seen otherwise, like the fact that most of my identity was based off prideful thinking and not Christ, which left me feeling pretty broken, but you have to fall apart before you can be put back together. In Japan when a teapot is broken, they fix the crack with gold, just like God putting us back together more like Him and stronger than before.
Even though it was so hard and hurt so much at times and had me at my breaking point, I held on, by my own strength, I didn't want to be so weak that I would "need" God. I wanted to serve Him, because I knew it was right, except I wanted to do the right thing by myself. Weird right? Yep, though not uncommon. We all in our own way want to be God, just like Adam and Eve in the garden.
Even though it was so hard and hurt so much at times and had me at my breaking point, I held on, by my own strength, I didn't want to be so weak that I would "need" God. I wanted to serve Him, because I knew it was right, except I wanted to do the right thing by myself. Weird right? Yep, though not uncommon. We all in our own way want to be God, just like Adam and Eve in the garden.
We want control over our lives, we want this, that and the other thing. In part because of pride and in part because to surrender control over our lives to God is really hard. We would prefer or own will over His, because then we get what we want, do only what we want and don't have to trust or depend on anyone.We want what we want (including good things. Whatever it might be, take your pick) and we want it all now. Though we are stuck in between the desire to play god and have our own will and the fact that we know we can't make things happen, but to trust the One Who can might mean never getting what we want (even if it's a good thing). So it's either go it alone miserable, or doubt that God will give us what we want.
(more on the will of God later)
Another thing I've struggled with is making theology an idol. Have you heard the saying "knowledge is power"? Well, ever since I started truly following Jesus and doing Bible studies I have loved theology, learning stuff about the Bible, debates and deep conversations about the Bible etc. Except on top of good and true love of theology I went overboard and thought that to find answers to all my problems would lead to growth and that with all this new found knowledge I was more "powerful". Pride does weird things to you... Anyway. You see, only getting answers won't do anything unless you take the time and the effort to apply them, theology isn't even the point and it's an idol unless you're getting closer to God through the learning. The point of theology is that you learn it and get to know God in His Word and then actually apply it to your everyday life. So, in a way growth was an idol in my life, but why? What's the point of growth? To grow in maturity. What's the point of maturity? Making wise choices. Why should we want to make wise choices? That we would make the most Christ-like choices that we can, we are supposed to be Christ-like after all. Though going back to growth, it isn't the point at all, we don't become Christ-like by shooting with everything we have for Christ-likeness. What I mean is, you in reality become Christ-like by following after Him, surrendering your will and seeking Him with everything you've got. You can't change yourself, even if you intend to change yourself into a more Christ-like person. You can only give it to God and be willing to let Him change you. (something beautiful by Steven Curtis Chapman) And we can't be Christ Himself, only Christ-like.
Next I'm going to show you a verse that I know I personally need to work on. And I've known it for awhile:
(more on the will of God later)
Another thing I've struggled with is making theology an idol. Have you heard the saying "knowledge is power"? Well, ever since I started truly following Jesus and doing Bible studies I have loved theology, learning stuff about the Bible, debates and deep conversations about the Bible etc. Except on top of good and true love of theology I went overboard and thought that to find answers to all my problems would lead to growth and that with all this new found knowledge I was more "powerful". Pride does weird things to you... Anyway. You see, only getting answers won't do anything unless you take the time and the effort to apply them, theology isn't even the point and it's an idol unless you're getting closer to God through the learning. The point of theology is that you learn it and get to know God in His Word and then actually apply it to your everyday life. So, in a way growth was an idol in my life, but why? What's the point of growth? To grow in maturity. What's the point of maturity? Making wise choices. Why should we want to make wise choices? That we would make the most Christ-like choices that we can, we are supposed to be Christ-like after all. Though going back to growth, it isn't the point at all, we don't become Christ-like by shooting with everything we have for Christ-likeness. What I mean is, you in reality become Christ-like by following after Him, surrendering your will and seeking Him with everything you've got. You can't change yourself, even if you intend to change yourself into a more Christ-like person. You can only give it to God and be willing to let Him change you. (something beautiful by Steven Curtis Chapman) And we can't be Christ Himself, only Christ-like.
Next I'm going to show you a verse that I know I personally need to work on. And I've known it for awhile:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil."
- Proverbs 3:5-7
(I'm going to say two things about this verse so keep it in mind)
First thing, I've been coming back to this verse for several months (since last summer). Though I always remarked on two things in reference to myself. 1. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart" 2. "Be not wise in your own eyes".
I've known for awhile that those two things applied to me. But until the last few days I never payed as much attention to "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." And that is the part of the verse I'm worst at. But it's is such an important thing, because for all you know (going back to God's will vs. our own.) maybe if you acknowledge Him and submit your way to Him, what you want is what He wants.
We can't ever "earn" the things we want by being mature enough to be ready for them. If God wills it, it will happen. And if you really take the time to pray and ask "hmm, is this His will?" A lot of things get cleared up right quick. Nothing we have is truly ours, but is in fact God's, no strength, no gifts, no knowledge is ours. It's all His.
His will isn't against ours, if we ask for good things and then trust that He will provide, He will. And if we don't end up getting what we want it doesn't mean God failed us, it only means that God in all His wisdom didn't think it was a good idea. And there are so many promises in the Bible that are more sure than gold. But while we wait it can be hard to trust that God will act, I mean, things outside the Bible aren't always promised so it's hard to believe all you desire will come to pass. But, if you acknowledge Him, He will make straight your path, He will get you there, He knows your hearts desire, if you are humble enough to let Him make it happen, it just might. And for every "no" we get there is something far better in store 100% guaranteed.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11
He knows you better than you know yourself. He loves you, He delights in you:
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
"The Lord your God is in your midst,
I was talking to a friend recently and they said the following and it stuck: "try things differently."
So try things differently, acknowledge Him in everything. Let go of your own will and ways of looking at things. It'll all work out in the end.
Steal My Show by TobyMac
Just Be Held by Casting Crowns
Thanks for reading,
Zachary
(I'm going to say two things about this verse so keep it in mind)
First thing, I've been coming back to this verse for several months (since last summer). Though I always remarked on two things in reference to myself. 1. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart" 2. "Be not wise in your own eyes".
I've known for awhile that those two things applied to me. But until the last few days I never payed as much attention to "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." And that is the part of the verse I'm worst at. But it's is such an important thing, because for all you know (going back to God's will vs. our own.) maybe if you acknowledge Him and submit your way to Him, what you want is what He wants.
We can't ever "earn" the things we want by being mature enough to be ready for them. If God wills it, it will happen. And if you really take the time to pray and ask "hmm, is this His will?" A lot of things get cleared up right quick. Nothing we have is truly ours, but is in fact God's, no strength, no gifts, no knowledge is ours. It's all His.
His will isn't against ours, if we ask for good things and then trust that He will provide, He will. And if we don't end up getting what we want it doesn't mean God failed us, it only means that God in all His wisdom didn't think it was a good idea. And there are so many promises in the Bible that are more sure than gold. But while we wait it can be hard to trust that God will act, I mean, things outside the Bible aren't always promised so it's hard to believe all you desire will come to pass. But, if you acknowledge Him, He will make straight your path, He will get you there, He knows your hearts desire, if you are humble enough to let Him make it happen, it just might. And for every "no" we get there is something far better in store 100% guaranteed.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11
He knows you better than you know yourself. He loves you, He delights in you:
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
- Psalms 139:14-15
"The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing."
- Zephaniah 3:17
"Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act."
- Psalms 37:4-5
He wants to do what's best for you, even give you what you want, but He says no sometimes. But, if your desire is pure (selfless and for something good (good in God's eyes)) and you commit it to Him (surrender it to Him and follow His will in the matter) He will act. He won't ignore, He will deliver. Even if it isn't quite the way we want, and not when we want it. He promises what we need. And that's enough.
Second thing (in reference to Proverbs 3:5-7) What do you think when you read "Trust in the Lord with all your heart"? Sometimes I'll start thinking "okay, I'm not trusting Him nearly enough so what can I do to change that?.." Then I realized that I'm so busy seeing things my own way, weather it's a life choice, a meaningless decision that won't matter ten minutes later, condemning self-examination or "how can I be more mature?" etc. That I'm blind trying to use my eyes, looking at the mirror instead of out the window. Instead of using His eyes to see things the way they really are. To see myself the way He does, instead of viewing my identity as broken.
So even when your life has fallen apart, your dreams seem out of reach and your a broken shattered mess. He calls you beautiful, He redeems you, saves you, forgives you. He won't give up on us, this journey through trial and brokenness that ends in us running off then guiltily coming back to Him. That's the way He designed it, it's all by design, all to your very best, He's committed to work on you and with you through mess after mess, heartbreak after heartbreak. And we aren't called to be happy and content in this world and it's circumstances, but in Him alone.
Second thing (in reference to Proverbs 3:5-7) What do you think when you read "Trust in the Lord with all your heart"? Sometimes I'll start thinking "okay, I'm not trusting Him nearly enough so what can I do to change that?.." Then I realized that I'm so busy seeing things my own way, weather it's a life choice, a meaningless decision that won't matter ten minutes later, condemning self-examination or "how can I be more mature?" etc. That I'm blind trying to use my eyes, looking at the mirror instead of out the window. Instead of using His eyes to see things the way they really are. To see myself the way He does, instead of viewing my identity as broken.
So even when your life has fallen apart, your dreams seem out of reach and your a broken shattered mess. He calls you beautiful, He redeems you, saves you, forgives you. He won't give up on us, this journey through trial and brokenness that ends in us running off then guiltily coming back to Him. That's the way He designed it, it's all by design, all to your very best, He's committed to work on you and with you through mess after mess, heartbreak after heartbreak. And we aren't called to be happy and content in this world and it's circumstances, but in Him alone.
I was talking to a friend recently and they said the following and it stuck: "try things differently."
So try things differently, acknowledge Him in everything. Let go of your own will and ways of looking at things. It'll all work out in the end.
Steal My Show by TobyMac
Just Be Held by Casting Crowns
Thanks for reading,
Zachary
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